Sometimes the world actually cooperates with how you are feeling: it was pissing down rain this morning and the cab seemed to take me to JFK via the most depressing route of ground down Brooklyn industrial buildings, ghetto strip clubs and cemetaries. I'm beginning this tour already beat and exhausted. I'm a little scared, too, like I was when I left to go sailing and got shipwrecked. One of the things that I always felt kept me balanced (or at least kept me from tipping over entirely) was Allison. Now that that's gone, it's all on me.
The good news is that Jay and I finally finished the record. Or finished it until we decide to redo stuff. Shit, I guess we've still got to get rid of some noise on Taxes and Jail and Eating Alone... and Jay's gotta comp his amazing solo on Hellbound-- but then we may have to remix Hellbound entirely... and then there's mastering. Ah Christ, it never ends. I feel like I'm almost more invested in Beat the Devil now, just because it's not my stuff and I'm so sick of me. But then I'm not the only one...
Allison's absence still weighs pretty fucking heavily on me. That the dissolution of our relationship had much to do with my narcissim and bad decisions isn't bringing me a whole lot of comfort right now. And I think I may be getting sick, too...